MARCHING ON

99 Classic “Yo Momma” Jokes!

That’s a prime example of a ‘Yo Momma’ joke, a genre so popular it became the basis for a series of no-holds-barred competitions on MTV. Produced and hosted by actor Wilmer Valderrama, matches were held on successive seasons in Los Angeles, New York and Atlanta.

From Monday to Thursday, the show pitted the toughest trash talkers against one another. Each team of contestants battled it out in front of a rowdy live audience of their peers. The four winners then came back on Friday for a Best of the Week. Here are 98 more prime examples of Yo Momma humor:

Yo momma so fat,

1. she had to go to Sea World to get baptized.
2. when she tripped over on Fourth Avenue, she landed on Twelfth.
3. she’s got her own area code.
4. when she talks to herself, it’s a long distance call.
5. she’s got smaller fat women orbiting around her.
6. whenever she goes to the beach, the tide comes in.
7. she was born on the fourth, fifth, and sixth of March.
8. she was floating in the ocean, and Spain claimed her for the New World.
9. she wears aluminum siding.
10. she could fall down and wouldn’t even know it.

***

11. she got hit by a VW and had to go to the hospital to have it removed.
12. the sign inside one restaurant says, “Maximum occupancy, 512, or Yo momma.”
13. she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
14. the back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs.
15. her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard.
16. she has to iron her pants on the driveway.
17. when she goes to a restaurant, she doesn’t get a menu, she gets an estimate.
18. when she ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton.
19. she was zoned for commercial development.
20. when she sings, it’s over for everybody.

***

21. she looks like she’s smuggling a Volkswagen.
22. when she was walking down the street and I swerved to miss her, I ran out of gas.
23. when she dances, she makes the band skip.
24. when she got her shoes shined, she had to take the guy’s word for it.
25. she gets group insurance.
26. she’s on both sides of the family.
27. she can’t reach her back pocket.
28. she was born with a silver shovel in her mouth.
29. when she fell over, she rocked herself to sleep trying to get up again.
30. when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips.

***

31. when she was diagnosed with a flesh-eating disease, the doctor gave her ten years to live.
32. we’re in her right now.
33. when she sits around the house, she really sits around the house.
34. her bellybutton’s got an echo.
35. when she turns around people throw her a welcome back party.
36. her belly button doesn’t have lint, it has sweaters.
37. the last time she saw 90210 was on a scale.
38. a picture of her would fall off the wall.
39. when she gets on the scale, it says “To be continued.”
40. she sat on a dollar, and when she got up there were four quarters.

***

41. she fell in love and broke it.
42. when she takes a shower, her feet don’t get wet.
43. you have to grease the door frame and hold a Twinkie on the other side just to get her through.
44. when she goes to an all-you-can-eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps.
45. when she wears a yellow raincoat people holler, “Taxi.”
46. when she gets in an elevator, it has to go down.
47. she could sell shade.
48. people jog around her for exercise.
49. she gets runs in her jeans.
50. when she wears a Malcolm X T-shirt, helicopters try to land on her back.

***

51. she eats Wheat Thicks.
52. light bends around her.
53. when she was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks.
54. her graduation picture was an aerial photograph.
55. her job title is spoon and fork operator.
56. she left the house in high heels, and when she came back she had on flip-flops.
57. you have to take a train and two buses just to get on her good side.
58. she has to wake up in sections.
59. she sat on a quarter and a booger popped out of George Washington’s nose.
60. she walked into the Gap and filled it.

***

61. she has to put her belt on with a boomerang.
62. she comes at you from all directions.
63. when she was growing up she didn’t play with dolls, she played with midgets.
64. she uses two buses for roller-blades.
65. when she goes to a buffet, she gets the group rate.
66. she doesn’t eat with a fork, she eats with a forklift.
67. Weight Watchers won’t look at her.
68. the last time the landlord saw her, he doubled the rent.
69. she put on some BVDs and by the time she got them on, they spelled “boulevard.”
70. I ran around her twice and got lost.

***

71. the shadow of her butt weighs 100 pounds.
72. the National Weather Service names each one of her farts.
73. when she’s standing on the corner police drive by and yell, “Hey, break it up.”
74. she’s been declared a natural habitat for condors.
75. she sets off car alarms when she runs.
76. when she goes to the zoo the elephants throw her peanuts.
77. her blood type is Ragu.
78. they had to let out the shower curtain.
79. when she runs the fifty-yard dash she needs an overnight bag.
80. she can’t even fit in the chat room.

***

81. she gets her toenails painted at Lucky’s Auto Body.
82. she doesn’t have a tailor, she has a contractor.
83. she measures 36-24-36, and the other arm is just as big.
84. she was in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade…wearing ropes.
85. she went on a light diet. As soon as it’s light she starts eating.
86. she’s half Italian, half Irish, and half American.
87. when her beeper goes off, people think she’s backing up.
88. when she goes to the movies, she sits next to everyone.
89. when she goes in a restaurant she looks at the menu and says, “Okay.”
90. she puts her lipstick on with a paint roller.

***

91. she has to pull down her pants to get in her pocket.
92. her waist size is the Equator.
93. she’s got her own zip code.
94. she has to buy two plane tickets.
95. she stands in two time zones.
96. she fell and created the Grand Canyon.
97. she can’t even jump to a conclusion.
98. she fell out of both sides of her bed.

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West Salem High School Marching Band performance in salem xmas parade 2009

Parade $65.33 High Quality Content by WIKIPEDIA articles A parade (also called march or marchpast) is a procession of people, usually organized along a street, often in costume, and often accompanied by marching bands, floats or sometimes large balloons. Parades are held for a wide range of reasons, but are usually celebrations of some kind. In Britain the term parade is usually reserved for either military parades or other occasions where participants march in formation; for celebratory occasions the word procession is more usual. In the Canadian Forces the term also has several less formal connotations. Author: Surhone, Lambert M./ Tennoe, Mariam T./ Henssonow, Susan F. Binding Type: Paperback Number of Pages: 68 Publication Date: 2010/10/15 Language: English Dimensions: 9.02 x 5.98 x 0.16 inches

Marching Band $70.1 Marching band. Rehearsal, Bands of America, Brass band, Color guard (flag spinning), Drum and bugle corps (classic), Drum and bugle corps (modern), Drum major, Marching percussion, Military band, Scramble band, United States Scholastic Band Association,Ottoman military band. Author: Miller, Frederic P./ Vandome, Agnes F./ McBrewster, John Binding Type: Paperback Number of Pages: 100 Publication Date: 2010/08/02 Language: English Dimensions: 5.98 x 9.01 x 0.23 inches

Waconia Marching Band $76.47 High Quality Content by WIKIPEDIA articles The Waconia Marching Band, based out of Waconia, Minnesota, is a class AAAA youth Marching band that competes at the high school level. It represents Minnesota school district 110.The Waconia marching band was founded in 1972. Their first official performance was in 1973. Now in its 37th year of Marching, the Waconia marching band is regarded as one of the best marching bands in Minnesota.In 1982, the Waconia Marching Band was the first marching band to play inside the Metrodome in Minneapolis, Minnesota. It turns out NFL teams can only invite a high school band to do a half time show once, though the Minnesota Vikings invited Waconia back four times. Author: Surhone, Lambert M./ Timpledon, Miriam T./ Marseken, Susan F. Binding Type: Paperback Number of Pages: 116 Publication Date: 2010/06/29 Language: English Dimensions: 5.98 x 9.01 x 0.27 inches

Essential Learning Products ELP 8567 Pippa at the Parade $38.42 Pippa loves the parade. The band is marching. The drummers are drumming. The gymnasts are turning cartwheels down the street. There are prizes to win and cotton candy to eat. It s a big parade and an even bigger day for Pippa. After the fireworks light the evening sky Pippa finds that her father s shoulder is a good place to take a nap. This happygolucky story provides the flavors sounds and colors of a splendid day out while depicting a timehonored tradition. (2.2) 32 pp. HC.

University of California Marching Band $87.62 Please note that the content of this book primarily consists of articles available from Wikipedia or other free sources online. The University of California Marching Band, usually shortened to Cal Band, is the marching band for the University of California, Berkeley. While the Cal Band is studentrun, it is administered under the auspices of the university and represents Cal at sporting events and social gatherings. The name of the band is The University of California Band by the constitution, but is typically called The University of California Marching Band or The Cal Band. Author: Surhone, Lambert M./ Tennoe, Mariam T./ Henssonow, Susan F. Binding Type: Paperback Number of Pages: 120 Publication Date: 2011/04/01 Language: English Dimensions: 9.02 x 5.98 x 0.28 inches

The Pride of Oklahoma Marching Band $92.4 High Quality Content by WIKIPEDIA articles The Pride of Oklahoma Marching Band, known as The Pride, is the student marching band for the University of Oklahoma Sooners. The Pride was founded in 1901 as a pep band to play at Sooner football games. In the early years, the band was composed mostly of Norman residents and was disbanded every year after football season. Author: Surhone, Lambert M./ Tennoe, Mariam T./ Henssonow, Susan F. Binding Type: Paperback Number of Pages: 130 Publication Date: 2010/09/13 Language: English Dimensions: 6.00 x 9.02 x 0.31 inches

Sacramento State Marching Band $95.59 High Quality Content by WIKIPEDIA articles The Sacramento State Marching Band, known as the The Spirit of Sacramento, and sometimes informally known as the Sac State Band, Sac Band or SSMB, is the official marching band at California State University, Sacramento. The Band was formed in 1958 as the Sacramento State Marching Musicians. To this day the band performs at all home football games and various away games during the football season. The Band also functions as the defacto student cheering section at athletic events. The Band also is present every year during The Causeway Classic against archrival UC Davis. The band motto: Without Us, Its Just A Game , was adopted in 1996. In 2008, Dr. Clay Redfield, 84, became the newest director of the band. He is the first alumnus to ever lead the band. Author: Surhone, Lambert M./ Timpledon, Miriam T./ Marseken, Susan F. Binding Type: Paperback Number of Pages: 142 Publication Date: 2010/08/10 Language: English Dimensions: 6.00 x 9.02 x 0.33 inches

Yale Precision Marching Band $81.25 High Quality Content by WIKIPEDIA articles The Yale Precision Marching Band (affectionately known as the YPMB) is the official marching band of Yale University. It is a scatter band (what some peers might call a scramble band ), as distinct from university marching bands that emphasize precise movements and geometric field formations. Band members refer to themselves as The Members of, which is derived from their introduction at Yale events. The repertoire of the YPMB is constantly evolving, driven by student arrangers and pop music trends. Besides standard types of band instruments, the YPMB includes violins, bagpipes, accordions, keyboards and air guitars, and was the first scatter band to incorporate electric guitars. The YPMBs Squids section creates large cardboard props for halftime shows. The Squids evolved from the Appoges (pronounced p od z, after appoggiatura, a grace note) of the 1980s and 1990s, who handled props but also carried their own instruments (frisbees, stuffed giraffes, lounge chairs). Author: Surhone, Lambert M./ Timpledon, Miriam T./ Marseken, Susan F. Binding Type: Paperback Number of Pages: 114 Publication Date: 2010/07/31 Language: English Dimensions: 6.00 x 9.02 x 0.27 inches

University of Pittsburgh Varsity Marching Band $93.99 High Quality Content by WIKIPEDIA articles High Quality Content by WIKIPEDIA articles The University of Pittsburgh Varsity Marching Band, or Pitt Band, is the college marching band at the University of Pittsburgh. The band includes over 200 instrumentalists, a majorette squad known as the Golden Girls, a color guard, and the University of Pittsburgh drumline. The band was founded in 1911 and has won numerous awards over the years. All members of the band must pass an audition in order to join. The band is currently housed in Trees Hall, however Pitt is in the process of building a new marching band facility. Author: Surhone, Lambert M./ Tennoe, Mariam T./ Henssonow, Susan F. Binding Type: Paperback Number of Pages: 132 Publication Date: 2010/12/09 Language: English Dimensions: 6.00 x 9.02 x 0.31 inches

The Ohio State University Marching Band $70.1 High Quality Content by WIKIPEDIA articles The Ohio State University Marching Band (often called The Best Damn Band in the Land or TBDBITL) is one of the few allbrass and percussion bands in the country, the largest of its type in the world. Military training was an important part of the early curriculum at Ohio State, and a band was formed to provide music for the cadets to drill to. The first appearance of the OSU marching band was in 1896. Gustav Bruder, a professional musician with military band experience, was hired to lead the band. Under Bruder, the band grew in size and began playing and marching for all military and athletic events. The OSUMB grew over the years, from 100 members in 1920 to 225 members today. Author: Surhone, Lambert M./ Tennoe, Mariam T./ Henssonow, Susan F. Binding Type: Paperback Number of Pages: 80 Publication Date: 2010/08/14 Language: English Dimensions: 6.00 x 9.02 x 0.19 inches

Cornell Big Red Marching Band $60.54 High Quality Content by WIKIPEDIA articles The Cornell Big Red Marching Band is the only traditional marching band (as opposed to a scatter band) in the Ivy League. It performs at all home, and most away, Cornell Football Games. In addition, the band has performed at half time for numerous National Football League and Canadian Football League games, and began a tradition of an annual Spring Concert in 2006. Author: Miller, Frederic P./ Vandome, Agnes F./ McBrewster, John Binding Type: Paperback Number of Pages: 64 Publication Date: 2010/12/22 Language: English Dimensions: 6.00 x 9.02 x 0.15 inches

University of Massachusetts Minuteman Marching Band $82.85 High Quality Content by WIKIPEDIA articles High Quality Content by WIKIPEDIA articles The University of Massachusetts Minuteman Marching Band (UMMB) is the marching band for the University of Massachusetts Amherst. The band currently has about 352 members and was directed by George N. Parks from 1977 until his sudden death in September 2010. Assistant Thomas Hannum has been named interim director, assisted by Michael Klesch and Frederick Omega Pye. The Minuteman Band plays halftime and postgame shows at all home football games and frequently travels to away games. The band has also performed at Bands of America in 1993, 2001, 2004 and 2007. In 1998, the Minuteman Marching Band was awarded the prestigious Sudler Trophy, the highest honor that can be bestowed upon a collegiate marching band. Author: Surhone, Lambert M./ Tennoe, Mariam T./ Henssonow, Susan F. Binding Type: Paperback Number of Pages: 108 Publication Date: 2010/12/07 Language: English Dimensions: 6.00 x 9.02 x 0.26 inches

Alfred Publishing 0026524 Marching Fundamentals $38.12 Geared for incoming freshmen this DVD explains and demonstrates marching basics and familiarizes the student with all standard marching commands and positions. Can be used as a selfstudy aid.Contributors: By Greg MartinInstrument: Marching BandFormat: DVDCategory: Marching Band DVD

Wolf Parade $70.1 High Quality Content by WIKIPEDIA articles Wolf Parade is an indie rock band formed in 2003 from Montreal, Quebec, Canada. Wolf Parade began in April 2003, when former Frog Eyes member Spencer Krug was offered a gig by Grenadine Records Alex Megelas. With only a 3week deadline to form a band, Krug contacted a fellow Canadian guitarist Dan Boeckner (formerly of British Columbia band Atlas Strategic) and began writing songs in Krugs apartment. Author: Surhone, Lambert M./ Timpledon, Miriam T./ Marseken, Susan F. Binding Type: Paperback Number of Pages: 94 Publication Date: 2010/08/01 Language: English Dimensions: 6.00 x 9.02 x 0.23 inches

University of Montana Grizzly Marching Band $78.07 Please note that the content of this book primarily consists of articles available from Wikipedia or other free sources online. The University of Montana Grizzly Marching Band is a select, fun and closeknit group of hardworking, dedicated students. The band is open to everyone on the UM campus regardless of year or major. In fact, it has members of the band from virtually every major and discipline on campus and from almost every corner of the United States and around the world. Author: Surhone, Lambert M./ Tennoe, Mariam T./ Henssonow, Susan F. Binding Type: Paperback Number of Pages: 84 Publication Date: 2011/05/19 Language: English Dimensions: 9.02 x 5.98 x 0.20 inches